3 months

Half-way to half a year today, by the way.

Happy Anniversary!

Taking 10 Seconds to Say…

You have loved me into being.

Too Soon

I’ve spent the last few months hearing all these lovely things and considering them to be my favorite.  My favorite “I love you” occurred last week. It was said within a sigh as he was resting his head on my chest, ready to sleep. (Wrote about it already in analogue mode and read the entry to him last night…)

When I said that I love him in return, he said that I’d replied too soon and wrecked it. TOO SOON!? I agree, I guess.

I loved you too soon,

I slept with you too soon,

I’ll probably move in too soon

I want to marry you too soon…

soooo I’ll stick with the trend

and say I love you too soon forever.

 

…I better.

Cinema

I could watch you for a lifetime / you’re my favorite movie / a thousand endings / you mean everything to me / I never know what’s coming / forever fascinated / hope you don’t stop running / to me ’cause I’ll always be waiting

Rewarded

It’s funny how I feel like I have good advice to give ever since I’ve become a happier person. I’m saying things like, “You’ll find him/her,” and “You deserve more than he can offer.” All the advice people I thought were crazy would tell me back when I was angry and cynical.

.

One of my friends made one of those I-found-this-amazing-girl-who-still-loves-her-ex mistakes and told me about it. I told him that it was good she was with that other guy again anyway if that’s what she said… and that really, she was saying, “Being with you made me realize I’m better off with my ex.”

.

So I told Nate, “Next time, you need to pull back that intensity while giving the girl a reason to chase you.  Show her reasons why she should want you. This is how girls end up knowing your value, trying harder, and working to deserve you.”

.

Then I told him,

“You just have to get your will out there, and find the person who deserves you and matches your TRUTH

…and doing it honestly is important.”

.

It’s good to take the time to let people discover you. Then you’ve found this girl who loves the heck out of you… you, who are her prize, who she’s tried so hard for.  That love is solid and life ends up being like a really amazing game you’ve both played and won. You know you’ll never hear anything close to “I still have feelings for my ex” out of them because they’ve forgotten everyone before you and won’t look at anyone else. So instead, you might hear something like, “I love you. A lot. I just want to sleep next to you… always and forever.” <3  Lovely things that set your mind at ease.

.

You’re each other’s reward.

.

So far, I’ve been thanked after sharing what I’ve recently discovered. It just takes a while. The thank you comes weeks later, after they realize what I told them is correct.

.

Today, he wrote me:

I never said this

Thank you for what you said a few weeks ago

….

I needed to hear it. Now it’s all good.

….

I’m not scared.

I think more people need to keep it real.

Sometimes you gotta hear the truth from a unexpected source.

Again, thank you.

Thankful

To all who came before him
And all who came before me

Thank you for letting us go.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen!

I love my life right now and if you value the current shape of your nose, you will respect my situation. #PSA

 

(This was a tweet. I deleted it because it contained too many commas.)

Keys

Key to my heart: dedication, patience, and innovation

Key to my brain: two gin martinis.

This Hand

I could try to describe the way my wild emotions fly around inside my body when we’re together, even when I see something as simple as his perfect hand position on a menu… But I’m not that good of a writer. I can’t explain such significant things without sounding loony.

I thought it would be easier if I took a picture of his perfectly-settled fair fingers, so I told him, “Don’t you move!” and took this as he froze, holding his sneezes in until I was done.

I love this strong hand and the strong man attached to it, who loves me exactly the way I’ve been wishing for for years— since I became solidly me, and knew I wouldn’t be satisfied by half-way… which was all I could find until he walked up the aisle to meet me.

Those before him were the mostly-what-I-needed people who I didn’t miss or feel lonely without. Settling. I told men I loved them but the words always caught in my throat like they were lies. They were, I suppose, because this for sure is as LOVE as I will ever know.

I feel like I’m at the beginning of a long road that is paved with him, comforted by the air surrounding me that smells like him, smiling—thinking of him, going places with him and for him, looking ahead and seeing my future alongside him, concern disappearing from my face, and fear no longer holding my heart prisoner.

I am devoted.

It was always uncomfortable…

But now this whole “we” concept is working for me.

Because I’m hearing “I love you” every day, perhaps?

Here we are… making plans. Talking about toes. I squeeze his legs and remember who I thought he was. Then he jumps out from under the blankets, off the couch, and conquers the cold floor just to get me a beer.

<3